Why Cats Save the World

"He realized that he had to choose between thinking of himself as the poor victim of a thief and as an adventurer in quest of his treasure. 'I'm an adventurer, looking for treasure,' he said to himself"
- Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist.

All of my close friends and family know that my Uncle John is a storyteller. Although some of it I'm sure is made up or exaggerated and he usually goes off on a tangent, I enjoy his stories so much. I could sit in a room for hours just hearing his stories. Quick back story --> My Uncle John is how my mom and dad met many moons ago. He is my mom's older brother, and was also my dad's best friend growing up. So many of his stories include my mom and dad at all stages of their lives. Anyways, he recently told me a story about my dad and him in high school. I don't remember the entire story, but I do remember him saying, "Your dad and I were pretty cool, or at least we thought we were cool and that's all that really mattered to us". I remembered thinking, dang I wish I was cool, or thought I was cool. Most of my friends would describe me has quirky, silly, weird, and awk-a-awk-ward. It's true, I own it. But I really want to be cool. And really, what that story taught me is that cool is not just a state of being, it's a state of mind.

Cool people don't call themselves cool, they just are and that's what makes them cool.

Earlier this year I was in a car accident on the I-5 freeway in San Diego when I was about to exit an off ramp. It was a multiple car collision in which I was rear-ended causing me to hit the car in front of me. The accident ended up involving 5 cars and about 5 people. My natural reaction after realizing I could still feel my feet and that I was still breathing was to get out of my car and ask the lady behind me if she was okay. At first she was kinda speechless and then all of a sudden she literally started freaking out, pointing fingers and placing blame on everyone. Um.. hello lady how is that going to help anything right now? My reaction to her insanity was to literally start laughing (probably not a good idea) and throw accusations right back at her (TWO CAN PLAY THIS GAME!). Then, when I got home I reenacted the entire incident to my roommates, then to my boyfriend, then I called up my best friend to tell her, and I then told some my classmates the next day. It probably totaled up to almost four hours of complaining about this "crazy lady". And follow complainers out there know, complaining takes up so much energy! After all this complaining, it didn't really make me feel any better... Isn't that what complaining is for? To get it off your chest then move on? To make it so someone else know's how you are feeling & that in turn makes us feel better? The funny thing is, complaining doesn't do. Complaining usually just leads to anger and frustration.

Interestingly, with all that complaining and negativity I was throwing out there to the universe just led to a bad week and nothing seemed to be going my way. When I decided to reflect on the situation a few days later, I thought to myself, "What would my dad or Uncle done in this situation?". They definitely wouldn't have complained for four hours leading to four days of utter cynicism. They probably would have played it cool, and then go see there friends who would just make them laugh.

Flash forward to a couple of weeks ago. I was walking in a parking lot to met up with my cousin for lunch and this dude in a white Audi who I had my eye on, (because he was driving way too fast in the parking lot!) turned a corner way too fast and nearly ran into me. Lucky I was paying attention because he definitely only had a Habit burger on his mind. Afterwards, I was kinda pissed, like... what an idiot. I was sitting out front of restaurant waiting for my cousin when that same dude walked by me on his way to his hunger destination. He said to me "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to almost hit you". And I right away said "Don't even worry about it", and gave him a little 'knuckle bump'. Then right away after that, something amazing happened. I really didn't care anymore. All I had to do was say that I didn't care, and I no longer did (yes, I still kinda thought he was an idiot... I'm no saint). But I learned from my last experience that holding onto anger and resentment can be so damaging, and for something that little... it wasn't worth it to me.

Unfortunately, I have some of what I would call "sue happy" people in my life. You know the ones, and you may even be one yourself. Now, I'm not talking about those situations in which something was done wrong to where someone's day to day live was significantly affected. I'm talking about the person who is almost waiting for society to mess up just so they can say "you know I can sue you for that". Ouch, I feel so bad for these people.That kind of attitude leads to a toxic mind real fast. Honestly, what's the harm in letting things go? So, best case scenario if one does press charges... you may receive a minimal monetary gain, but you just lost so much time and energy. What could you have done instead with that time and energy?

Bringing it back to my situation... Was it my societal duty to tell Speedy Gonzalez in the parking lot that his driving sucks and that he needs to slow the F down? What good is that going to do? Do I think that he would actually listen to me and change his ways? Most likely not. If I get mad, who is it going to affect really? Him? Probably not. Me? Absolutely. So I decided right then and there that I wasn't going to let it affect my day, so I was going to play it cool (Dang.. see, I'm really not cool since I just said I was cool).

It's a mind set. You will find the bad in people if you look for it.

Recently I've been seeing a lot of hatred on social media. Someone even went so far as to say something along the lines of, "People in our society are terrible and I'm giving up on the human race". Come on, really? Take your ex-boyfriend for example.  When you were together, he was the sweetest, most caring and loving human being, (#mcm!). Until he was your ex. Then all you think about is all the negative things about them, and all of a sudden that same person is a disgusting, egotistical, pig who only comes about themselves! They didn't just change, the way in which you see and thought of them is what changed. If you put negativity out there, it will come right back around.

Yes, we can all be stupid at times, we disappoint our friends (sorry that I forgot to call you on your birthday Jazzy!), and we make poor decisions. But, could you imagine the world if we really did decide to give up on each other? Do the universe a favor, give up the words "give up" from your vocabulary. We aren't all going to be able to just switch our mindset in a matter of moments, and depending on the situation, it may be very appropriate to feel some negative emotions. But if it's really starting to affect your day, or if you are feeling discouraged or angry, phone a friend. This is not the time to phone your friend who would just agree with you and the two of you would just continue your pity party together. Call your friend who would make you look differently at your situation, maybe play devils advocate, or at least put a positive spin on your shitty day. I have a friend that I call, and visa versa. One of my favorite things to do when I'm in a bad mood is to watch Youtube videos of babies or puppies. If the video has both babies and puppies, double score! My personal favorites, are puppies falling asleep while standing and cats falling when they jump. It may seem silly, but it makes me feel so much better. It gets me laughing and making all those annoying baby voices. Soon after, I'm in a completely different mindset.

Funny enough, a recent study found that watching cat videos online not only decreased individuals feelings of sadness, anger, and/or anxiety. On top of that, it actually helped to clear one's mind to take on tough tasks afterwards. Cat videos are so popular that there is actually an Internet Cat Video Film Festival. Thank god... the world will never run out of cat videos.

So the next time you are "giving up" on a task, friend, or all of mankind.. do us all a favor, be cool and watch some kittens jumping into boxes.

Just one of my favorites.. hope the kitty is okay. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Awf45u6zrP0
& iff you have 25 minutes of time not to spare...  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tzhyfWHdLo

Sleep Less = Achieve More?

"Without enough sleep, we all become tall two-year-olds". -JoJo Jensen

Raise your hand if you got a full 8 hours of sleep last night.
Raise your hand if you felt rested when you woke up this morning.
Raise your hand if you are like Buddy the Elf and when your co-worker asked how you slept the night before you said, "Great! I got a full 40 minutes!" & mean't it.

I'm definitely sleep deprived and I have a feeling I'm not the only one who's hand stayed down after those three statements. Why is sleep so important? Don't we all have better/more important things to do than sleep?... Like exercise, watch TV, feed the kiddos, pay bills, study, plan a wedding, worry, etc. So why do we need EIGHT hours?! That's such a huge chunk out of my day that I could spend productively. Well, I'll tell you why sleep is so important pretty soon here, as well as debunk some sleep myths, and provide some sleep hygiene tips. I'm also going to be quoting retired Navy Seal and physician, Dr. Kirk Parsley's many time in his post. Dr. Parsley was bred throughout his young life through his military training, doctoral program, as well as just being a father, that sleep is for the weak. Part of the Navy Seal training is being able to stay awake for seven days straight. For those Grey's Anatomy fans out there, remember the episodes were the newbie interns had to stay up for days at a time, and whoever cracked first was thought as the weakling? And personally, I'm not a mom... but rumor has it that new mom's in particular need to wake up throughout the night to feed, pump, etc. So we can see how being a Navy Seal, doctor, and dad can make sleep not so much a priority. However, Dr. Parsley has now made his focus on teaching individuals the importance of sleep, and to break the cycle of sleep deprivation.

So now onto my personal sleep backstory, and why I decided to blog about sleep. I'm not sure if its the heat, or sleeping in multiple beds (.... I've been staying between my boyfriend's place and my house in NorCal), or what but I have been sleeping terribly lately! I've been waking up all throughout the night, and my boyfriend even told me a couple nights ago that I was sleeping in the weirdest position ever... lying on my back with my hands wrapped around one of my bent legs at the knee, like I was stretching out my glutes. WTF?! How/why does one sleep like that?... And that's very creepy. On top of poor sleep, when I do sleep I've been getting nightmares. Not the kid "boogyman" or the monster-under-the-bed dreams, I would call them adult nightmares. One in which people were physically harmed, and another where I didn't finish school. Most dreams I don't remember a few minutes after I wake up.

Those who know me well know that my past sleep patterns have been a roller coaster ride. I remember my first bout of insomnia when I had just graduated undergrad and was apply to graduate schools. For some reason, my mind wouldn't start working until 10 or 11pm, and that's what I would work on PT school applications until 4 or so in the morning. This lasted for months. During this time I was very lonely, I gained 20 pounds, was highly anxious, and on the verge of a depression. It took a mixture of time, exercise, and anxiety/sleeping medication to climb out of this sleep deprived state. The medication I took really did help decrease some of my anxieties, and it also majorly suppressed my appetite. I ended up losing the 20 pounds I had gained (yay!) plus another 15 pounds, and people were starting to notice. "Wow Jenn you look great! What are you doing?". Ugh... Not eating I would think, but never say. It wasn't because I had an issue with food, I was just literally never hungry. Once people started to comment, I knew I needed to get off the medication, so I did and my life eventually went "back to normal".

The second time I dealt with insomnia was my first year of graduate school. This time it was affecting my relationships and schoolwork much more than the first time. I would go for 2 or 3 nights with ZERO hours of sleep. It was getting to the point were I didn't want to sleep, because I knew the night that I finally did get sleep, I was much more exhausted the follow day. My boyfriend was fed up with my extreme neediness/moodiness, and I was beginning to miss class. (Missing class in graduate school is a big, fat no-no). I eventually got pulled aside by a professor for my "bad attitude", which really was just a reflection of my breaking point. I remember going to a DO (Doctor of Osteopathy) in order to get some sort of heavy sleeping medication since at this point I felt like this problem was outside of my control. She said to me "why don't we try some anti-anxiety treatment/medication since that most likely the reason you aren't able to sleep". I was so beyond the breaking point, that I didn't even want to listen to this doctor who instead of giving me the "easy way out", wanted to find the root of the problem. Instead, I just wanted to sleep, and she didn't want to prescribe any sleeping medications. I was not a happy camper. I'm not sure what got me out of this funk, but again it took some time, and eventually I was okay. Luckily, my grades didn't suffer too much, and I guess I wasn't too crazy since my boyfriend is still around.

This time around, I'm not really having trouble falling asleep... It's just the good quality sleep I am having trouble with. I decided to read up on what I'm missing out on, and there is a lot of interesting information on sleep.

Now, my math isn't so great anymore.. but here's a math problem. The average American sleeps 6.5 hours per night. If the average American is sleeping 6.5 hours per night when they should be getting 8 hours, that's only 80% of what's needed. That means they are missing 20% of sleep, that's almost 9 whole hours of sleep, per week. Eighty-percent of sleep, that's a B minus, that's not terrible, right? Well, B minuses overtime gets you a whole lotta no where. Some people then think, "I can make it up by sleeping-in on the weekend". The truth is, I highly doubt you are making up those 9 hours of sleep in only two nights, and plus studies show that in order to get rid of slept debt, it's better to do so over multiple days/weeks rather than in one night.

We all can spout off at least four reasons why tobacco is bad for you, but most people don't think of the effects of sleep deprivation on their health. Here are some facts that Dr. Kirk Parsley states in his Ted Talk (I have the link below).. Acute, sleep-deprived, healthy, college-aged adults who did not sleep for 4 days were found to have glucose and insulin levels consistent with obesity and diabetes. Chronic sleep deprivation increases one's likelihood of developing almost every disease (ie. cancer, heart attack, stroke, depression, obesity, diabetes, suicide). Plus, one is more fatigued during the day, more likely to be in an accident, and one's self-awareness is equally deprived. Meaning, one is not aware that they are sleep deprived.. making it a "silent killer".

Sleep deprivation is a silent killer.

Even 50 years ago, sleep experts believed that when we were sleeping, we were "dormant", that nothing was really happening. It wasn't until recently, that experts are starting to understand sleep, something that we do for 1/3 of our lives. Here are some things they do know, sleep is a time for the body to heal. Have you have heard of the body's circadian rhythm? It's the bodies internal 24-hour clock. Like when you forget to set your alarm clock but you wake up in a panic on your own 5 minutes after you would normally set your alarm clock (Plus you press snooze 3 times so it's earlier than when you actually get up). To quote Dr. Parsley, "when we sleep, we flush out harmful neurotoxins, we consolidate memories, we reinforce learning, we repair our bodies, we fight of infection/disease, we replenish hormones/neurotransmitters, and in general we put our body in a physiological state in order to thrive the next day". Interestingly, Dr. Parsley states a theory on dreams... that we dream in order to work through our cognitive and emotional struggles.

Professionally, I have had a difficult time conveying the importance of sleep/ the results of sleep deprivation to my patients. Lack of sleep is not always an easy thing to talk about for many of the reasons I listed above, plus it can open up a large can of worms... Lack of sleep is almost always a symptom of something else, physical and/or emotional. In fact, with almost every single one of my patients, I would have a "sleep goal". On evaluation day, I would provide my patient's a handout on sleep hygiene, which just went into detail on different practices to perform around bedtime for sleeping well on a regular basis. Part of the reason I wrote this post was to remind myself of the reasons/repercussions of sleep/lack there of. I know that many of my friends/family in our stressful society are going through similar experiences as I am, so I thought it was important to share my story.

Since I obviously need a reminder on some sleep hygiene habits, I'm going to make a quick list here. Enjoy!

Jenn's Sleep Hygiene (Soon to be) Habits:

• Keep a notepad by your bed. That way, if something comes into your mind that you don't want to forget (ie. pay the phone bill, call your mom, set a reminder, etc.), you can write it down and not worry about forgetting it tomorrow.
• Establish a regular bed-time & wake up time. Your internal clock will thank you for it.
• The bed is for sleeping. Do not watch TV, listen to music, or read in your bed if you are having trouble sleeping. This way, you can associate your bed for sleeping rather than for something else.
• No electronics for 30 minutes before bed. (using your phone for a meditation is okay). Instead, stretch, do a little bit of yoga, read/watch TV (not in your bed).
• Reduce unnecessary light. For example, the little button lit up under the TV, digital clocks, PHONES etc. Put tape over any of these unnecessary lights since they really can confuse your sensory system.

Dr. Kirk Parsley's Ted Talk - America's Biggest Problem. (17 min) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7s9C_8-OoxI

For those who have a little bit more time, check out NatGeo's Documentary - Sleepless in America. (126 min) http://hereandnow.wbur.org/2015/01/08/sleep-deprivation-documentary

Literally Losing my Mind.

"Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your going to get". - Forrest Gump

We hear it all the time - life is a gift, live life in the present since it can be all be taken from you in a moment. The truth is, when both of your parents die at a young age, you think about death… a lot. Not like I'm going to die tomorrow in a freak Final Destination type situation, but enough to do something about it (you will see what I mean but 'do something about it' as you continue to read).

For various reasons, the process of aging and the elderly have been on my mind this past week. Just last week one of my good friends lost his grandmother ultimately from a brain aneurysm after a fall, yesterday my elderly neighbor across the street took turn for the worst, and most difficult of all for me - watching my precious pup, Charlie (13+ years old, but forever my PUP), get older & having difficulty doing things that were once easy for him. Yes, death is inevitable, but after some thought, I realized that I have never lost a close friend or family member (including pets) from “old age”. My parents died from cancer at a young age (Dad passed away a couple weeks before his 49^th birthday, my mom at 50), my aunt passed away in her 30’s from a brain tumor, my dog Petey died from a heart attack at five, another aunt died from liver failure, and the rest of my family passed away when I was really young. 

Even in my recent years, I lacked some empathy for people who’s grandparents/loved one’s passed away in their 80’s + since to me, that’s a full life and they should feel lucky. Now, I have realized that those feelings were really just envy and misplaced anger since I lost so many precious people in my life when they were so young. It wasn’t until I really understood the pain that comes with dying of “old age” that I began to have empathy for others who’s loved ones were going through the aging process.

I remember when I was younger, my parents would tell me that a friend's grandparents and/or distant older family members past away from “old age”. I’ve heard stories and seen movies of older people passing away peacefully in their sleep, but I’ve never personally experienced it. In general, for the elderly, dying is a process. It’s not usually like the movies – it’s much more heartbreaking than that. Example:

Death in the movies/from an outsiders perspective: ‘Betty & Bob have been married for 50 years and Betty was happy/healthy/well traveled until she passed in her sleep overnight. Bob is at peace with the death of his wife since they had many wonderful years together”.

Reality/family perspective: ‘Betty fell and broke her hip after many years of poor health with type II diabetes and high blood pressure. She passed away from complications related to her health. Bob is now alone and doesn’t realize his wife has passed because he has Alzheimer’s.’

Really, there is no such thing as dying from “old age”, or “natural causes”. So for the lucky bunch that gets to live to see their grandchildren and great-grandchildren, death has two different options – loss of the physical or mental (one doesn’t really happen without the other in my opinion). As a physical and occupational therapist, I have seen my fair share of disease, illness, and heartbreak. I recently spent time with my grandparents who are similar to the ‘Bob & Betty’ scenario above except my grandma is still alive & kickin’! However, she is about to be on dialysis, she’s can no longer feel her feet, she’s in constant back pain, and she walks with a walker. My grandpa, although still pretty sharp, says he isn’t remembering things like he used to and admits that he sometimes forgets how to drive home from the grocery store. He knows his mental capacities are declining and will some day need help. Some of this is just part of the normal aging process, but it is still heartbreaking to watch.

I guess my thoughts then lead to... should we just say this is part of the aging process and call it a day? Or should we say that's not a good enough answer and I'm going to do something about it. I'm going with the latter. I'm not going to just settle with 'it's the aging process, get used to it'. I choose to be an active participant in my health. Think you are too young for mental decline? Well, your not. (Except some men since then didn't have any brains to start with, juuuuust kidding). Seriously though, some studies have found cognitive decline begins in the late 20's, other has found a noticeable decrease by the age of 40, and there is a significant decline after 65.

The really great news is that there is so much research being done and recent studies that have found ways to slow the progression of aging, and some have even found ways of reversing the aging process. No, I’m not talking about surgery or liposuction. I’m talking about daily meditation, playing a music instrument, walking, strength training, etc. Simply put - if you don’t use it, you lose it! Makes complete sense. You don’t exercise your brain or your muscles, your brain will lose connections and your muscles will slowly atrophy. If you are unable to move around/explore your environment, your cognitive skills will decline & visa versa.. If you can’t remember how to get home from the store, you won’t get up off the couch and go to the store. You don’t have to be old to know that. How much clearer do you feel after a great workout?

Are you ready for some knowledge??

A study from Harvard University found via MRIs that listening to a guided meditation actually re-builds parts of the brain. Participates meditated for about 30 minutes a day and after 8 weeks they reported having decreased stress and increased concentration. After 8 weeks, the MRI results found a decreased size of the amygdala, and increased size of the hippocampus. I know what you are thinking, “But you just said that meditation re-builds the brain and how you are saying it’s decreasing it?”. Yes, I am. The amygdala is the part of the brain that is responsible for dealing with stress and anxiety. This is what’s in charge of our “fight or flight” mechanism, our instinctual responses. Sure, of course this is important. We are here today because our ancestors had this response and survived when we were in danger. But now a days, we aren’t in danger like our ancestors where. We don't need to be in fire of a lion or tiger about to steal our baby for lunch, and we don't need to worry about starving to death. Then why is this amygdala still so big? Because we are all constantly stressed out from paying bills, hoping for a promotion, hating our jobs, societal pressures, etc. This amygdala is located right next to the pre-frontal cortex, which is the part of the brain that is in charge of our decision-making processes, our higher levels of thinking, and our concentration. The pre-frontal cortex is part of what makes us human. The larger the stressed out amygdala is, the more space it is taking up that should be reserved for the higher level decision making capabilities of the pre-frontal cortex. WE NEED OUR PRE-FRONTAL CORTEX! The hippocampus is also very important part of the brain for survival, especially in today’s society. It’s our memory, self-awareness, and ability to have compassion for others.

On top of the countless other benefits of meditation - regulates heart rate & blood pressure, decreases work stress, increases perception aka. filter out the bad & focus on the good, slowing of the aging process, etc., why aren’t we all meditating?! Even if you think you don’t have time for meditation (which we all really DO have the time), you at least have the time to just slow down for a few moments. For example - when brushing your teeth, before getting out of the car after work, when waiting for your morning coffee to brew in the morning (if you are like me… you probably stare at it until it’s done since you think it will somehow make it go faster… GIVE ME MY COFFEE!), while walking your dog, while waiting for BART, & let’s be real… you don’t need a whole hour for lunch (stop being lazy and make your lunch!).

My measurable goal: I will perform a 15-20 minute guided meditation most days of the week for the next 4 weeks.

Non-measurable goal: Stop and take a break just to “soak it all in” more often, as my friend Scott would say.

I’m not exactly sure how this post went from dying from “old age” to meditating, but it all did come somewhat full-circle. We can’t predict the future; we can’t say when we are going to die or what from. But, we can do something. We can lead by example and teach others. We can be compassionate and demonstrate empathy, and be positive.

I’m putting a challenge out there to BE PRESENT - take a moment to slow down during your crazy, hectic, workday. Teach your parents and grandparents about meditation. Send them the following link of free guided meditations (& try them yourself) from the UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center: http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=22

 

Declaration to Declutter

"Clutter is not just physical stuff. It’s old ideas, toxic relationships and bad habits. Clutter is anything that does not support your better self.” – Eleanor Brownn

This past year I have been on the road more often than I have been “home”, so I’ve basically been living out of my car. There are definitely some pros and cons to living out of your car. It’s not ideal for when you want to impress people (i.e. picking up your friend and her 4 month old daughter for breakfast), and not so great when you need to find something quick. Bless my boyfriend’s heart, he found some extra space in a corner of his room for a dresser just for my clothes. Now, I don’t have to rotate between the same three outfits every week and can actually have my clothes folded into drawers rather than digging them out of the trunk. The nice thing about living out of my car is that it allows me to pick up and go whenever you want to, and I have basically everything I really need on me at all times. Having all of your belongs in your car really makes you simplify, and helps to understand your wants versus your needs. It’s actually a really freeing experience. It also made me realize that I have a problem… a big fat clutter problem.

Now, I truly don’t have only a cars worth of “stuff”. I also have a 10 X 10 ft. storage unit full of furniture, clothing, bedding, kitchen stuff, decorations, etc., almost enough to fill an entire one-bedroom apartment. I’ve been paying for this storage unit to hold this stuff every month for the past 1.5 years since I’m too afraid to let any of it go. I tell myself ‘well, I may need this one day’, or ‘this reminds me of so & so’, or ‘so & so got me this, so I can’t get rid of it’. Although all of those thoughts may be true, will I truly miss these things if I got rid of them? Probably not. I mean, I wouldn’t say I’m at hoarder status quite yet, but I do admire those people who just don’t need to hold onto things.

To me, physical clutter = mental clutter. For example, I could concentrate on my studies so much easier if my room was clean. Even if my desk was facing a wall with my messy room at my back, I could still feel it and it was so distracting. Studies even show that attachment to clutter is linked to serious emotional problems such as stress, depression, and chronic pain. It’s one of those ‘what came first, the chicken or the egg’ type of deals. Often, letting go of clutter is more importantly letting go of some long-winded emotional baggage from the past that we carry around, rather than just enjoying the present.

It really wasn’t until I was living out of my car with only the basics that I realized how toxic “stuff” can be. Therefore, I’m giving myself a sanity check by de-cluttering physically, and hopefully that means mentally (if the studies are correct).

What's really going to be tough for me is breaking this 26 year habit of built of being messy. But breaking habits will have to be a whole other blog post since I have quite a bit to say about habits.

As I’ve mentioned previously, I believe in having measurable/obtainable goals. So here we go:

Within 2 weeks, I will go through my storage unit and donate anything that is functioning and presentable to the Society of St. Vincent de Paul.

Another goal but that isn’t necessarily measurable:

Let go of a grudge/worry/frustration.

The Box.

"As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, woulda, shoulda, buckle up, and just keep going". - Carrie Bradshaw

I'm back! After my seven month hiatus after only two blog posts. Sounds about right when it comes to me and actually following through with what I start. I don't want this blog to go into the "Thought About, But Never Followed Through" box.

That box already contains some of the following:
- The acoustic guitar that Santa gave me about 8 years ago.
- The bicycle that I have sitting behind the couch collecting dust.
- The Paleo lifestyle that I enjoy, but allowed myself to only be strict on weekdays. I say: "weekends and vacations are too hard to be Paleo"... and has now turned into the "Paleo when I feel like it".
- The ten books (Yes, ten... I actually counted them) I have sitting on my dresser, just waiting to be enjoyed... yet I continue buying new books to add to the collection.
- The bookshelf that I almost finished painting white to match the rest of my room furniture, but never actually did finish painting.

No, I'm not allowing this blog to going into that box. That box, is full.. in fact, overflowing. I don't even have room for it anymore. I'm downsizing, literally & figuratively.

It was actually Ms. Carrie Bradshaw who inspired me to pull the blog out of the box. For those who don't know, Carrie is the incredibly entertaining, sexy, 30-something, columnist/writer, living in NYC from the HBO show Sex and the City. Since I currently have some free-time, I've been re-watching the entire series (at least TV shows rarely make it into that box.. ha). Carrie and I have a lot in common, other than the fact that she lives in her own rented apartment in Manhattan, is a self proclaimed "fashionista", and gets paid for people to listen to what she writes. While I am sitting in my boyfriend's Newport Beach apartment, in my lululemon yoga pants (I haven't done yoga in weeks), writing to a unknown crowd. What she and I do have in common is that we are both just utterly confused. One day, we think we have life all figured out, nothing can hold us back, nothing can bring us down. The next day, we realize that we were terribly wrong! And around in circles we go. I'll tell you what though, Carrie completely inspires me. She is so the definition of an imperfect person, but she owns it.

The physical therapist in me understands the importance of goals --> measurable/obtainable goals. Goal #1: Write 1 blog post per week for the next 8 weeks.

It's time that I become accountable, and this blog is coming out of the box and into my imperfect world.