Disclaimer: Please do not think from this post that I believe depression isn't real. Depression is very real. There are both physiological and behavioral changes that occur with depression. So please don't think that I am playing down a very deadly and serious disease. Everything I discuss below (besides my personal stories) are backed by research, in which I would be more than happy to provide references for. Thank you.
"To thrive in life you need 3 very important bones- a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone".
- Reba McEntire.
Okay but really, what the heck is happiness? How would you describe happiness to someone who has never heard of this concept before (maybe a zombie??). Describing happiness is like describing the color red to someone who's never seen the color red before.. "It's kinda like orange, or pink... but not really". I don't know how to describe happiness, but I know when I feel it.
The best definition of happiness that I could find is this: it is an emotional state characterized by positive or pleasant emotions.
Why all this hoopla about happiness? Well, because many are now considering depression as an epidemic. Let me throw some statistics at you:
- Rates of depression have been on the rise in the past 50 years.
- Age of onset is decreasing.
- Lifetime rates of an anxiety disorder in the USA is 19%, with depression right behind that at 15%. And the remaining 66%, half of those individuals suffer from occasional mild depression.
- The World Health Organization predicts by 2020, depression will be the 2nd leading cause of death... That's only 5 short years away.
One of the statistics that is interesting to me is the first one, rates of depression are rising. Why is that? We no longer need to worry about our every day survival like our hunter/gatherer ancestors, we have the technology to be able to do unbelievable things, and we have access to medical needs. So why is it that depression and anxiety are increasing? Well, experts in this field believe it's because we now have the time to worry. Interesting... so since we no longer have to worry about surviving polio, surviving the winters, or other life-threatening problems that could cause real potential harm.. we have some extra time on our hands. Our basic daily needs are met, we don't have to worry about survival, so now we can think about our happiness, or lack there of. Ask most recent college graduates what they want, most will say that they want to be happy. This is a pretty novel in our society, since just a generation or two ago, after college the focus was to make money, happiness would be a bonus.
Back to the concept of time... the abundance of time seems to be a possible reason why we are seeing the rates of depression increasing. Well, here is the link between time and depression.... worry. Worry is what the mind does when it has the time, or when it's bored. We don't worry when we are busy, because we are too busy doing what we are doing to worry about something that hasn't even happened. That's the thing about worrying, it does absolutely NOTHING for us. Worrying won't change a single thing except make you miserable, and it's a terrible habit to get into. Now, I have my times where I worry (ZOMBIE ATTACK). But seriously, I do worry at times. For example, the other day I was hiking in the Northern California Redwoods with a friend and for the entire 45 minute hike I couldn't stop thinking about damn bears! Me: We are hiking... alone... a hike I've never been on before... I have no phone service... what if there is a bear... I think I just saw some bear poop on the trail... What if we get lost?... It's getting dark out... There could be a bear right around this next bend... Okay you get my point. And all that worrying, I didn't get to enjoy the moment AT ALL. I was too busy thinking about something that wasn't even real. Your brain is pretty amazing, but when it comes to thoughts, it isn't that great at multi-tasking. The funny thing is when your brain is busy worrying, it doesn't have time to be happy. Visa versa is true as well, if you are thinking happy thoughts, you don't have time to worry. It sounds like Bobby McFerrin not only made a catchy, whistley tune, he says in only four words what I am attempting to write with this blog post -- Don't worry, be happy.
Are you happy? -- Experts believe that the two most important dimensions of happiness are resilience and outlook. Resiliency is being able to bounce back quickly from an adverse event. Like I said in my previous blog post, emotions are okay and even good. It's when we lack resilience and cannot recover from these emotions that they turn into moods. Therefore, those who view their problems as temporary and are able to problem-solve their problems, as well as accept what cannot be controlled, are in general happier people. In addition, those who live life in the "now" and view their future positively are happier people. Reframe your 'problems/worries' into 'challenges' that you are up for mastering. Create "alternatives" for your negative thoughts. For example, your boss is being a total bitch today, and it is really ruining your day. Instead of just thinking negatively (ex. she could have asked me to do that so much nicer), turn it into an alternative (ex. maybe she is just having an off day, her dog kept her up all night... this really has nothing to do with me). Now you have just removed yourself from the situation because really if you think about it... if your boss is having a bad day and taking it out on you, is that really that big of a deal? No not really.
Here are some "habits of happy people" that we could and should strive to add into our daily lives:
1) They smile.
Really though, those that smile are shown to live longer. In 2010, the Baseball Smile Study was conducted in which two researchers found that baseball players who smiled in their photos lived 7 years longer than those who did not. SEVEN YEARS. That's pretty crazy to me. They also found that the more intense the smile, the longer they lived. So smile, and smile BIG. A quick and cool activity you can do to trick your brain into thinking you are happy is to put a pen along your teeth and gently bite down on the pen (don't worry, your not going to get sick from the gems on your pen!). If you haven't noticed yet, when you do this, you kinda smile. Your brain thinks you are smiling, hence you become happier. Try it sometime this week. But maybe don't smile too big with this one, you will probably seem insane to your coworkers.
2) They are optimistic.
I remember in elementary school, when we said something negative about someone (aka. a "put-down"), we had to give that person two compliments ("put-ups"). So try doing that with whatever you are worried about. A simple example - Me: 'I may get eaten by a bear'. 'But look at where I am, there are so many beautiful trees and I'm here with my friend who I don't get see very often.' Two things just happened here.. I was optimistic, AND I distracted myself from thinking about something negative/worrying since I was too busy being positive.
3) They count their blessings.
You can think of this as practicing gratitude. If you have had a particularly crummy day, write down three good things that happened to you that day. Even on a really bad day, you can think of three good things that happened. You really can't think of three things? Then just look around at your surroundings and take note of one or more things that you often take for granted. One way that you can make yourself happy, is by making someone else happy. Call, email, text, Facetime, a long lost friend/family member that you are grateful for, and tell them why you are grateful for them.
4) They laugh
Laughter is a direct behavior of happiness. Plus it has a ton of health benefits, just to list a few: lowers blood pressure, reduces stress hormones, increases response of tumor/disease killing cells, increases memory, learning, alertness, and creativity. So go see a funny movie, switch up a reality TV show with a comedy (Modern Family is my personal favorite), go to a comedy show.
5) They meditate
It always comes back to meditation doesn't it? The list goes on and on about the benefits of meditation, and you only need to do it 20 minutes per day in order to see results and get happier. Meditation helps us to keep calm in a stressful event and accept what we cannot control, which increases our resilience thus making us happier people. You are probably now thinking -- I've tried to meditate and all I do is think and that leads to worrying, meditation sucks! Believe me, I have been there. It takes practice. Our minds are meant to be active, it goes against our brain's natural homeostasis to 'think about nothing'. Just start by focusing on your breathing. Maybe put on some smoothing music and dim the lights. Or try a guided meditation, those are my favorite! The goal would be to eventually be able to mindfully meditate for 20 minutes per day, that's 10 minutes in the morning, and 10 minutes in the evening. If you think you don't have enough time in your day to meditate for 20 minutes, well then you should probably be meditating for an hour.
Remember: We all have the potential to change, but the reason why we usually don't change is because it's hard. Breaking a bad habit is really difficult.
Ask for help, be persistent, and COMMIT.
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